brittadotcom

Thank you so much to everyone for all your nice words. It is very helpful to know I have such kind & supportive friends. Our conductor called as soon as he heard about Kylie, saying he understands if I couldn't make choir rehearsal, which made me very thankful, since all the sympathy would have had me bawling worse, and if we sang anything remotely sad I would have lost it entirely. My work team sent a giant bouquet of lilies with a sympathy card which was very sweet but made me cry again, then Nathania & Kevin left a beautiful cheery-colored bouquet with a nice card on my porch too. I spent my evening doing laundry, cleaning all the rugs and cushions Kylie used, reorganizing leftover food that was still good, and cleaning the fancy litter box thoroughly, so it all will be out of my sight for awhile to let me grieve, but all clean for a new kitty eventually. Yesterday when I'd walk past the uneaten food from Sunday night I'd just start crying again so it took me awhile to get the gumption to clean it up so I wouldn't react like that anymore. I keep thinking I hear her cries for help still in another room, like ghost meows. My plan was to get all kitty stuff cleaned & put away, then watch Chuck & Heroes to get my mind off the day's events so I could sleep, but I wasn't letting myself until I finished cleaning the litter box, and that was the hardest since that was the last thing, and it required taking it apart and unhooking from the water supply. By the time I started watching Chuck, eating a couple pumpkin pasties & leftover pastry brie for dinner with a big glass of homemade cider, I fell asleep halfway through the show so I just went to bed around 1am. I slept well thank goodness but my eyes are still puffy. A couple emails this morning had me crying a bit again, and now my boss just wanted details of what happened so my eyes were leaking by the end again, but at least not the racking sobs of yesterday.

I've been feeling guilty about trying to celebrate Halloween, but today I've decided I'm going to try to enjoy it because I know Kylie appreciated & loved my quirks along with me. It was always obvious to everyone that I was her favorite person. The last several years she was even participating in the parties by being social and cooperating with the holiday costumes, so I think she would approve of me celebrating my favorite holiday. If I didn't like Halloween so much I wouldn't have been wanting a black cat in the first place, then my roommate wouldn't have told me he saw a black stray cat on Memorial Day 1996, so I have always considered Halloween "our" holiday and Kylie was my favorite Halloween accessory. I am wearing my new black cat earrings today in her honor, but I'm still not sure if I'll wear my whole devil costume to work tomorrow. Maybe resurrecting the Webmistress outfit is another option since I haven't worn it many years now. We'll see how I feel & how early I can get up in the morning.

Thanks again everyone.