brittadotcom (brittadotcom) wrote,
brittadotcom
brittadotcom

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birthday indulgence

Please ignore if you like, since I've been avoiding these topics here on purpose, since no one wants to hear people complain, but now I'm hoping if I just get a bunch off my chest & try to get things into better perspective, maybe with my birthday yesterday I can start this year as fresh as possible.

  • One year ago today I started my post-tour blog
  • 11 months ago today the Briata had just had its first problem starting, but I was enjoying my summer gardening
  • 10 months ago today I was still editing tour video along with Halloween prop building
  • 9 months ago today I was frantically preparing for my Halloween party
  • 8 months ago today I was decorating for Christmas & preparing to beg for time off work since I had already bought airfare to London before asking my boss (!)
  • 7 months ago today I had landed in London, in happy & nervous expectation
  • 6 months ago today I was frantically preparing for my Mardi Gras party plus a fun week of vacation afterwards, with all the fun adrenaline rush that goes with both

    After that, however, it's not worth tracking...

    Last week I was finally feeling almost back to my real self, and I was SO thankful, until I got an email Thursday night, completely unrelated to the February mess, that I really was not expecting that threw me right back down again into the lowest of the low. I feel like an emotional infant. Yosemite was a lot of fun on the weekend thank goodness, but Tuesday morning was one of the worst days I've had since February, so it felt like everything was falling apart all at once. I'm beginning to wonder if there isn't something to this Mercury Retrograde! I've been struggling through my friends' gracious birthday celebrations for me trying to ignore all the crap in my head & be as happy as possible. My co-workers surprised my boss & me (her birthday is Friday) with singing & yummy cake Tuesday afternoon, I had a delicious and fun dinner at La Fondue Tuesday night with a tenor & soprano singing to me, I got a surprise mini-flurry of birthday wishes from moderators in the Leaky Lounge, my boss sent me a huge bouquet of pink & lavender roses from our team on my birthday yesterday, a bunch of co-workers took me to lunch for excellent Mexican food, then I was surprised by another dinner by good friends that consist of two couples. The meal was good, and having a bass & tenor sing Happy Birthday to you in harmony is excellent, too! Being the 5th wheel with two couples was a chore, but I lasted through the meal smiling. Somehow this morning was more difficult, but by the afternoon I was better, and I had a lot of fun at the Cupertino Memorial Park free concert in the park, with a really good 80s cover band (called "Notorious!" even though they tragically did NO Duran Duran covers!), a fun picnic with friends, and even more delicious cake that I wasn't expecting! As you can see it's been 3 days of celebration, which is wonderful and I really do appreciate it, so I really feel ungrateful & guilty when I still don't feel happy at the core. At least I have been truly enjoying myself at each event without having to try too hard, which is a start.

    The first half of age 33 was actually quite good, better than 32 I'd say, and I'm trying my best to get back to that but it's still hard which is frustrating. It's just been the second half that has probably been the longest bad chunk of my life so far, and I hate it. I am trying to look to the future, no matter how hard it seems, since it doesn't seem anything is going right these days. I sincerely hope age 34 will be much better than the second half of 33 has been.
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